Please send your comments to: comments@whitetowerhealing.org Comments will be displayed below, with the latest received shown first. Thank you for your support. "You don’t need a weatherman To know which way the wind blows" -Bob Dylan- Name Withheld By Request To the Poly Prep Community: I am a professional psychologist practicing in Manhattan and Long Island. I have treated dozens of patients who have been victims of sex abuse. The wounds are deep, and are actually embedded as trauma in the amygdala of the brain's limbic system. Generally, years of treatment and an empathetic support system are sorely needed. I have been following the debacle at Penn State and the Wall Street Journal has published comments I have written about Joe Paterno. Happy Valley (State College, PA) represents what Theodor Adorno, a noted German sociologist, referred to as a "culture industry" where brand and profit trump human dignity, freedom, and principle. Football brought nearly $500 million dollars annually into the community and university coffers. At Poly Prep the coach created a football powerhouse and raised substantial funds for the school. Two areas of social psychological research have application here: Milgram's studies on "obedience to authority" at Yale, and Latane's studies on "bystander apathy" at Columbia and Ohio State. Full disclosure, acknowledgment of wrong doing, amends (to the Nth degree), education and intervention, behavioral monitoring, compensation, revision of school culture, mourning, and programming for future students are just some of the things Poly Prep (and Penn State) need. The betrayal, abuse of trust, and deception at both institutions is shattering. We can only go forward, and we must be strong and creative in our recovery. I am most concerned with regard to how many other Penn State/Poly Preps are out there? These are horrifying thoughts and concerns for me. Christopher Bayer, Ph.D. www.thewallstreetpsychologist.com www.money-mind101.com www.theshareholderactivist.com Dear Alumni, I am deeply saddened by the reports of sexual abuse and the apparent institutional tolerance of this crime at Poly. Pedophilia emotionally cripples its victims for a life time. Institutions that protect pedophiles can also become their victim. In 1979 I took over the operation of my family’s summer camp. The camp had been created by my grandfather in 1949. In 1978 a group leader sodomized one of the 10 year olds in his care. The camp doctor discovered the bruises and reported it to CPS. The investigators came and the insurance company paid the resulting lawsuit. The camp never recovered from the 50 children that did not return the following year. The camp closed in 1986. The victim and family were compensated in the best way we know, monetarily. The camp was shattered, another victim of this pedophile. Poly Prep must accept the sins of the past. The case should be settled, the victims compensated. The victims should be honored for standing up to a pedophile and the institution that protected them. Evil festers when good men hang their head in shame. Philip Zuckerman LCSW-R 69’ St. Louis: It’s heartbreaking to read how victims of Poly Prep coach Phil Foglietta are being ignored and rebuffed by school officials (“Shame at Poly Prep,” Dec. 6). Imagine how others who may have seen or suffered sex crimes by school staffers will react to this harsh treatment. No doubt they are reluctant to speak up. Shame on Poly Prep staffers who are creating a climate of intimidation that further endangers vulnerable kids. David Clohessy, director, Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests November 28, 2011 David B. Harmon: I read a copy of your November 21, 2011 letter to the Poly Prep community and feel compelled to respond with my disgust at your contempt for the victims of the sexual misconduct at the school for a quarter of a century. You mention the blog in the Washington Post unfairly and inaccurately compares the history of Poly Prep to Penn State. Quite frankly, Poly Preps handling of the situation is far more egregious because credible allegations by the students and incredible faculty statements attesting to no knowledge of the abuse continue to be covered up. You disingenuously write that Poly Prep has hired an expert in sexual abuse for contact free of charge for the victims, but you fail to mention they must agree to never take any legal action against the school. Who are you protecting Mr Harman? The school has a Memorial Fund for Foglietta and dedicated the baseball field to Harlow Parker. There is simply no possible way Parker did not know what was going on. (Same for Ruck and Junsch) Foglietta was a known pedophile in Bay Ridge even before he was hired at Poly Prep. Dozens of boys have been sexually abused by him, and hundreds intimidated by his bullying. This sordid chapter in the school's history will never be corrected until these dedications are removed. Like many other students, I choose to remain anonymous. You are making a grave error in thinking your handling since 2002 will end this nightmare. It is all about the years from 1966 to 1991 when Poly Prep like Penn State decided to protect the reputation of the school despite overwhelming evidence their students were being abused by a faculty member. Former Headmaster Williams is nothing less than a pathetic reminder of incompetence. You are doing a fine job carrying on the tradition. Name Withheld By Request I played football and graduated in 1987. I too was a victim. It started out as "massages" and stayed that way until one day on a winter Saturday when I was in 7th grade, he tried to grab my crotch. I rebuffed his advance, and ceased all interaction with him as best I could. Thankfully, he never was in a position to do anything to me again, and aside from his normal bullying tactics/"coaching", he pretty much left me alone. I feel fortunate that I was able to escape his clutches, and feel terrible that I haven't spoken up until now. In some weird way, I forgave him; however, after witnessing the horrifying turn of events at Penn State, I feel compelled to share my story. Name Withheld By Request I and I "Took an untrodden path once, where the swift don’t win the race It goes to the worthy, who can divide the word of truth Took a stranger to teach me, to look into justice’s beautiful face And to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth I and I In creation where one’s nature neither honors nor forgives I and I One says to the other, no man sees my face and lives Noontime, and I’m still pushin’ myself along the road, the darkest part Into the narrow lanes, I can’t stumble or stay put Someone else is speakin’ with my mouth, but I’m listening only to my heart I’ve made shoes for everyone, even you, while I still go barefoot I and I In creation where one’s nature neither honors nor forgives I and I One says to the other, no man sees my face and lives" -Bob Dylan- Name Withheld By Request Gail Henderson-Belsito here, '83. I am writing for one simple reason: to let you know that I continue to think of you and pray for all of you as you wage this battle for justice. When I think back to how much I loved my days as a student at Poly, it saddens and sickens me to think that there were so many boys, some of whom I knew, liked, and respected, whose time at Poly was frightening, painful, and life-shattering because of the actions of one sick man and the subsequent denial and cover up perpetrated by several others. None of you deserved that. None of you should have endured such horror. Stay strong. Stay focused. Speak out. And take heart; you are not alone. You are not forgotten. I continue to wish you nothing but the very best. Peace be with all of you. Judge sanctions school in child sex case; SNAP responds For immediate release: Monday, April 18 Statement by David Clohessy of St. Louis, Director of SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests: "Let those who conceal child sex crimes take note of this important ruling. Police, prosecutors, judges and juries are slowly but increasingly punishing powerful individuals who protect child predators instead of innocent kids. Principals, bishops, coaches, camp directors, defense lawyers, school boards should heed this warning: you can no longer intimidate victims, threaten witnesses, discredit whistleblowers, destroy evidence, and keep your complicity hidden. As Martin Luther King said “No lie lives forever.” And the ‘shelf life’ for child sex crimes and cover ups is getting shorter and shorter. We applaud these brave men who are exposing corruption at Poly Prep. By their courage, they are helping to deter future recklessness, callousness and deceit. Kids will be safer because of their wise decision to seek justice in court and hold wrongdoers accountable. We commend them for their bravery and tenacity." (SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, is the world’s oldest and largest support group for clergy abuse victims. We’ve been around for 23 years and have more than 10,000 members. Despite the word “priest” in our title, we have members who were molested by religious figures of all denominations, including nuns, rabbis, bishops, and Protestant ministers. Our website is SNAPnetwork.org) Contact - David Clohessy (314-566-9790 cell, SNAPclohessy@aol.com), Barbara Blaine (312-399-4747, SNAPblaine@gmail.com), Peter Isely (414-429-7259, peterisely@yahoo.com), Barbara Dorris (314-862-7688 home, 314-503-0003 cell, SNAPdorris@gmail.com) All Along The Watchtower “There must be some way out of here,” said the joker to the thief “There’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth None of them along the line know what any of it is worth” “No reason to get excited,” the thief, he kindly spoke “There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke But you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late” All along the Watchtower, princes kept the view While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl -Bob Dylan- Name Withheld By Request Dear gentlemen, I was utterly amazed when I came across your website today. As I no longer reside in New York, today was the first time I heard this horror story, discovering it inadvertently on the internet after googling poly prep football. I went to Poly and played ball in the late 70's. I wonder how many other people that have been impacted by this are not aware that this has surfaced. I'll spare you from my story, as I have read others and consider myself fortunate. I wish your cause much success. I also wish you well holding the school accountable as well as certain individuals who certainly knew about it and facilitated it by their inaction. No child deserves the pain these monsters inflicted. Thank you for safeguarding the future of others. Best Wishes Name Withheld By Request After visiting with a Poly classmate recently, I became aware of the Foglietta scandal and his many victims. Thank God I played squash and tennis under the good guidance of Coaches Tom Cutler and Bill Martieri. Unfortunately, Jim Zimmerman played football for Poly. How could Poly allow Foglietta to mess around with young boys on my bloody squash courts? The school's sins are of blatant omission and intimidation. I came to Poly as a high school student with a large athletic frame who avoided meeting Coach F in the hallways. Many of the victims, middle school scholar athletes, with much to lose, could not escape the grasp of this evil man. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear that the school now names buildings and employs people associated with Foglietta. Rather, the school should have the fortitude to right a quarter century of wrongs. To feign ignorance is simply wrong. The faculty and administrators at Poly should have been placed on clear notice - that a grown man who invited young boys over to his apartment which he shared with his mother, played grab ass with his players on an open football field and took routine steamed showers with his players in his own exclusive shower has major psychological issues. I was so appreciative the day Headmaster Williams personally invited me to be a student at Poly despite my parent's inability to pay the full fare. I appreciate the foundation Poly gave me to become a leader in my community. Unfortunately, this foundation has shattered into many pieces which now represent the hundreds of victims of Foglietta. Poly needs to find its moral compass and do the right thing here. Poly must apologize to and support its victims and make sure that this never happens again. Until this is accomplished, my donations will go to your noble organization. Glenn M. Fjermedal '82 Attorney and Counselor at Law As the mother of one of the abused Poly Prep students in the 1970's, I am interested in seeing widespread dissemination of the facts of this case. As I see it there is the legal case and there is the psychological case. Both of these need to be more widely known by the public. Why is no one at the New York Times following this in it's main section, not fobbed off in the Brooklyn part only. Poly graduates have moved all across the country and overseas. They have not stayed just in Brooklyn. The emotional and psychological effects of this abuse are subtle. They may be denied for years. They may surface suddenly. They come back to haunt parents as their children grow up. I would like to see the media latch on to this the way some media have done with the abuse perpetrated by the Roman Catholic Clergy. We, as a society, must not be complacent and allow Poly Prep to get away with it. The children abused by clergy in a Church setting, a nursery school, a private Prep School or an orphanage, all suffer in similar ways. The matter of Poly should be coordinated with the actions being taken against the Catholic Church and recognised as equally important. The public should be on the alert to recognise abuse wherever it occurs. OUR CHILDREN DO NOT LIE ! LISTEN TO THEM. We adults seem to think we know better and choose not to believe them. This is a travesty committed against all children. We must pull the wool from our eyes and face the truth that abuse has occurred, and it continues to occur. I would like to see more coverage in the media. What about an in depth piece on NPR, a documentary on the subject on national television ? Does your organisation have a Public Relations or Publicity Officer ? There certainly is a job her to be done as I see it. What can I do ? Should the parents organise to help promote the healing of our children ? Name Withheld By Request Congratulations on your recent legal victory allowing discovery to go forward. Poly owes everyone who has ever been associated with the school a full and open accounting of all the details of Foglietta's crimes and its failure to stop them. All these decades later, my heart breaks for this monster's victims. I can't help but wonder how many more of my Poly friends whose lives went off the rails were among them. Instead of ducking the heroes who have been pursuing justice, Poly should at long last come clean and make it right. Bernard Bauer, '71 I was never the victim of Foglietta's sexual predation, but my best friend at Poly was, and his anger is my anger. There is plenty to go 'round. There is anger, of course, at the despicable man who took advantage of a position of trust and authority to assault young boys -- yes, 'assault,' because this sort of crime, whether accomplished through brute physical force or subtle mental coercion, or a combination of any form of the two, is an attack, an assault, pure and simple. It is an attack on the integrity of the victim, an attack on the institute which, had it any moral compass, would not seek only to defend itself but rather to come to terms with the victims, an attack on and an affront to the faith and trust of the parents who delivered their children to Poly for an education. And there is anger at Poly itself, which, when it learned the truth, failed time and again to do the right thing, and, worse, took steps to lie about and apparently cover up the attacks, so that the institution's good name would be preserved. From my perspective as a former prosecutor, I despise the perpetrators of a crime only slightly more than those who seek to injure the victims a second time by interfering with the crime's prosecution; in this case, it is abundantly clear that, if not in a strict criminal sense, but in a moral sense, certainly, the Poly admin was involved in a systematic and systemic cover up. And there is anger at those student who simply refuse to believe that their sainted Coach Foglietta could ever have done such things -- as if so many outstanding men would come forward with false accusations of this beast -- and who suggest that these men, including my dear friend, might be seeking something other than a resolution of the crimes perpetrated upon them by Foglietta and Poly. And there is even anger at those who suggest that the victims simply 'get over' it, as if they are contesting an old, bad call in a football game. Absurd. And, finally, there is anger that, even now, the school battles the victims -- decades later -- as though this were some sort of zoning dispute or simple civil action over a right of way. We are talking about physical and emotional and psychological assaults that took place year after year, while the beast Foglietta was at Poly. To suggest that the Poly Administration knew nothing, ever, is absurd and untrue, and it only flames the anger, even now, decades later. Bill Fordes '71 SNAP Press Statement For immediate release: Friday, May 28, 2010 Ex-Students' Claims of Sex Abuse by Coach Proceed to Discovery; SNAP responds Statement by David Clohessy, Executive Director of SNAP, Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (314 566 9790 cell, 314 645 5915 home) We’re grateful that these brave victims have won a crucial victory in their struggle for justice. When it comes to legal discovery, no judge should ever side with accused predators over alleged victims. It’s sad to see Poly Prep officials trying to exploit legal technicalities to protect themselves and hide the truth instead of exposing wrongdoers, safeguarding kids and healing victims. New York’s child sex abuse laws are among the most predator-friendly in the nation. While this ruling is encouraging, it’s still crucial that lawmakers reform the archaic, dangerously-restrictive statute of limitations which lets very few victims expose child molesters in court. (SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, is the world's oldest and largest support group for clergy abuse victims. We've been around for 22 years and have more than 9,000 members across the globe. Despite the word "priest" in our title, we have members who were molested by religious figures of all denominations, including nuns, rabbis, bishops, and Protestant ministers. Our website is SNAPnetwork.org) Contacts: David Clohessy (314 566 9790 cell, 314 645 5915 home), Barbara Blaine (312-399-4747), Mark Serrano (703-727-4940), Peter Isely (414-429-7259), Barbara Dorris (314 503 0003) At long last a court and a judge that has seen the shameful result of the misuse and misapplication of state statutes of limitation related to sex crimes. Lawyers representing the Catholic church have long been guilty of bringing these statutes into cases to systematically cover-up and shield career pedophile priests. The Church has spent 100s of millions of dollars fighting legislative reform and elimination of state statutes of limitation on childhood sex abuse crimes for nearly two decades. They do this not for fairness and justice, they do this to retain their defensive cover for their failures to put the protection of children first and foremost. There is no other conclusion but to call this reprehensible behavior a racket aimed at influencing the successful execution of sexual violation of children and vulnerable adults by a corrupt organization: a definite RICO crime. Judy Jones, SNAP Midwest Associate Director I'd like to voice my objection to the scheduled dedication of the athletic complex at Poly to the memory of Harlow Parker. I believe this is the same complex originally intended to carry Foglietta's name. I am stunned by this evidence that institutionally, Poly still doesn't "get it" and that the current decision makers are continuing to be complicit in obscuring this dark side of Poly. Such complicity creates an environment where this felonious behavior is tolerated. Harlow Parker was Foglietta's direct superior, and seemed to be a close friend. Most mornings, I avoided walking past Parker's office (just down the hall from William's office) to avoid the chance of encountering Foglietta. I cannot be certain that Parker knew of Foglietta's behavior. But I feel that Harlow Parker, as a senior administrator, was certainly guilty of gross failure to supervise Foglietta (as is Williams.) The sports complex should not carry his name. I have attended very few events at Poly since 1973. I am planning on attending the "Special Reunion" on April 24, 2010 (Theme: Poly Stories: Then and Now) specifically to use the "Poly Story Booth" and voice my objection and my story. Anonymous, Class of 1973 Jim, I was ahead of you at Poly and we played youth football for a couple of years. When I read Harman's letter to alumni in 2002 and of the lawsuit against Poly a couple of years ago that John Paggioli brought, I was shocked and angry -- including at myself for not having the maturity and wits to figure it out while I was there. I was at Poly for about a week or two as a freshman, when Foglietta started talking to me in the locker room. I was a 14 year old kid and frankly was a bit flattered by the attention. Foglietta told me he would drive me home if I wanted a ride, and I recall telling him that I didn't know yet what time I got out that day. A senior overheard and when Foglietta left, the senior got in my face and told me not to get in his car under any circumstances. I didn't think it was big deal and the senior, sensing that I was blowing him off, got in my face and yelled "HEY, ASS*&%, DO NOT GET IN THAT CAR!" I had no idea why he was doing that but I didn't get in the car - a ride home was not worth a butt kicking from a senior. I'm embarrassed to say I do not remember the senior's name but am forever grateful that someone was looking out for me. After that incident, Foglietta by and large left me alone except for the occasional rant about wasting space at Poly that could have gone to someone else. This is my way of saying I wish I had that senior's wisdom and maturity for you, and for others that followed. Culhane matriculated when I was in high school and it makes me sick to my stomach that nobody looked out for him either. I am heartbroken that I lacked the wits and guts to comprehend what was happening to classmates, friends, and the guys that followed me. There were wisecracks left and right in the locker room about "Foggy's boys" but I blew them off as just gossip and jealousy. I went to a Poly function about ten years ago, and was told that at Foglietta's funeral, one of the eulogy speakers remarked that Foglietta would be very pleased to see "his favorite boys" at the funeral, and there was a collective gasp, followed by anxious laughter. It was not until that moment that I started to comprehend the nature and magnitude of what he did, as well as how commonly known it was. That said, it was always whispered in the shadows. As heartbroken as I am, I am equally enraged at the school for turning a blind eye to all of this and instead pressuring students to keep their mouth shut or pay a stiff penalty. Williams had a well earned reputation of breezily exploiting a weakness at the first sign of trouble. Ironically, I knew some of the characters in the Duke rape hoax/lacrosse scandal. Like Poly, the school administration chose to throw its students under the bus to protect its brand name. As a result, both were damaged. No matter how awful the truth is, admitting it and confronting the ugly truth is always better than trying to protect a brand name through lies and manipulations. In the end, people will always give you credit for trying to do the right thing for the right reasons, especially when it is painful. Anyway, I am terribly sorry for what you went through, and please know there are an awful lot of people who remember and support you. The school needs to come to terms with what happened, and absent that needs to be held accountable. If that is not in a court of law then unfortunately it will be in the court of public opinion. I was a guardian as litem for abused and neglected children as my pro bono work and know that serial pedophiles do not stop at just a few victims. The school's current leadership apparently treats this as all ancient history and a huge and irritating distraction from a long gone era, and at least in my humble opinion is getting bad advice in not dealing with what happened honestly and forthrightly. I guess alumni don't rate. In any case, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and wish you all the best. Name Withheld By Request Knowledge of Phil Foglietta's abuse of young boys at Poly comes from reading minimal coverage in NYC newspapers and your http://www.whitetowerhealing.org/index.php web site. Poly, like most NYC schools, has little awareness of traditions, long-held values and past accomplishments. This is a difficult context within which to highlight tragic segments like those created by Phil Foglietta from the past. The best way to deal with the past is to activate the alumni. The following item about St. Paul's School helps to put Phil Foglieta in perspective. Are there Poly classes more impacted? http://www.dispatchesfromthevanishingworld.com/dispatch32/printerD32.pdf You'll note that: "The (St. Paul's) class of ' 55, which had its 50th reunion in June, deliberately failed to meet its $2 million goal as a protest against the board and administration that allowed all these things to happen." To activate the administration in the present you need to treat the issues of student abuse as a relevant, continuing problem that requires action now to prevent re-occurrences of events like those around Phil Foglietta. Treating Phil Foglietta as a shocking, isolated incident made the issue newsworthy a few years ago, but it's current relevance is diminishing with time. Student abuse, both by teachers and students, should be seen as a real,current problem impacting both boys and girls that needs to be dealt with now. There is more than sufficient evidence that it is occurring today to make the case. "The Foglietta incident is more likely to occur now. What rules and processes with regard to abusive behavior are now in place at Poly?" Sympathetic to those who have been abused and hopefully helpful, Cliff Bernstein '57 Thank you for creating a group to proactively address a problem at your school. It is good to see a group such as this. Ken Followell President Fax 866-323-2227 http://malesurvivor.org President@MaleSurvivor.org Thank you David, John, Chris and Phil! Thanks for putting your time into WTH and creating a forum for those for whom the Poly experience was far from that which was promised. It is sad that the outstanding and selfless life long work of so many fine educators at Poly was overshadowed and undone by a handful of passive, reactionary administrators who knowingly enabled the behavior of a notorious predator. I also was emotionally abused by Phil Foglietta. I grieve for those of my classmates who suffered even greater abuse. I mourn the loss of what should have been 6 years of positive enrichment, exploration and joy. I hope that through your work Poly will come to acknowledge its past failures and be able to evolve into something more than an elitist, overly competitive secondary school business - in short, to live up to its founding ideals. Name Withheld By Request Class of '73 I attended Poly 72-80. I share the pain of many and am proud of those who have stood up to be counted and to confront the horrors perpetrated by this beloved "coach". I was not sexually abused by Foglietta, but I was severely emotionally abused by him after quitting football as a freshman and never understood why until I saw there was a lawsuit a few years ago. I always wondered why an average kid like me caught the outrageous wrath of this person after I decided I was not going to continue playing football as a freshman. Before getting into that, I remember when we played dodgeball one day. Losing team got "asses up". Then we had to go walk by him and he would scrape his two day beard growth against my cheek after we lost. Never undersood what that meant, even to this day. After I quit freshman football, he flipped out on me. Important fact: I liked baseball, and he was also the freshman coach. That year, on the baseball team, all he would do was yell and scream at me and tell me how bad I was. I would then play worse. In batting practice, he threw at my head when I was at bat so I got so scared I could not play at all. He never "coached" me or gave me positive feedback, he just yelled at me constantly in PE and on the ballfield. Why did he do this? Was I that good of a football player? No way. I never understood this at all. Perhaps it was because I might have eventually made his victim list and he got pissed at a lost opportunity. As the next couple of years went by, our other coaches treated me like the quittter I was labeled. I seldom got to play and when I did, I did not play well because of the immense pressure I felt from him and other coaches. On varsity, he was Parker's third base coach. The football players got to play ahead of me, even though I was better than them. The deck seemed stacked no matter what I did. I remember I was going to have surgery and Parker told me it was too bad, that I lost my chance to start at 1B against Adelphi to show what I could do. So eventually I quit the team. And I quit every time there was adversity until I thankfully matured enough to hang in there. One teammate is still a good friend. His dad coached at Hamilton HS and he knew something wasn't right and encouraged my dad to speak up for me about the abuse but my dad just didn't want to get involved. I always wondered-was I too sensitive or did this guy just abuse the shit out of me mentally? I know the answer. At my 20th reunion I talked to some other grads about what happened on the baseball team. They remembered I got a very raw deal there. Anyway, my dad sent me the 10/27/09 clip about the federal suit since I live out west. I have no doubt the allegations are true. I hope the plaintiffs are successful in this pursuit. I remember that we knew of one little blonde kid who will remain nameless who spent an inordinate amount of time in the laundry room dungeon with "coach". We knew something was up, but couldn't put our finger on it-no pun intended. I am happy to be able to vent in this forum. I have tried very hard to "get over it" for many years. I am happily married with 2 kids and a great life and I am a pretty successful lawyer in San Diego despite him and in other ways because of some of the lessons I earned from some of the excellent teachers I had there who brought out the best in me. Scott M. Blumen, Esq. To all it may concern: I just wanted to reach out to you guys and let you know that you are not alone. Though I am far removed from Brooklyn, NY today, I was in grade school in Greenwich, CT and attended both the 1964 World's Fair and Playland Amusement Park during my earlier time there. In the Fall of 1971, in 9th grade, my parents sent me to a religious private boarding prep school there, where a year after I attended, there was an outbreak of polio that hit a dozen students, caused by the school's fervent adherence to faith healing to resolve all physical and other ailments. It was because of my parent's strict adherence to the same principles that I was never believed about my ongoing sexual victimization at the hands of numerous perpetrators, many from or affiliated with, the same Boston church, and was left to finally deal with my childhood sexual victimization alone at the age of 29, when I was fortunate to find a (then) new therapy program and support group, while I was attending Cleveland State University starting in 1986. Early in 1974, after my parents had become tired of all of my acting-out and I had been kicked-out of both public high school and another private boarding school, they sent me to live with a farm family in rural Vermont that was friends with one of my aunts. I was violently physically assaulted and sexually assaulted by the family patriarch for the entire 8 days that I was there. On my first day enrolled in the public high school at Chester, VT, I hitchhiked away from the school during their lunch hour, hoping to reach my uncle's house in suburban Boston. I got 2 short rides and was about 10 miles away from the high school when I was picked-up by the Vermont Highway Patrol and returned to the Chester station. I told them everything, first the patrolman, then a group of several officers including supervision, to little if any avail. They did call my parents but only got our answering machine. Then they called my perpetrator, and had him come and get me at the station, for another night of vicious abuse before my parents arrived to retrieve me. Still, because of my parent's oddball religious beliefs, nothing was ever done about making sure that this guy couldn't continue his abuse of other kids, and later all three of his sons ended up addicted to drugs and two of them in prison. I do know well the feeling of fighting my fear and revealing my story only to not be believed, and it is a very lonely feeling. Glad to see that at least several of you guys have survived that lonely feeling too. I eventually found my own freedom from my past through 5 years of therapy and groups over a 14-year period, including seeing Mic Hunter in St. Paul, MN, and attending Hazelden in MN between 1996 and 1998. I also was a patient at Prescott House in Prescott, AZ late in 1999, and I also attended several outpatient substance abuse groups as well as therapy and support groups in the Denver, CO area in 1996-97 too. A local support resource here in the Denver-area for victims of sexual abuse not listed in your support links is the Wings Foundation in Lakewood, CO, which I owe at least some of my success in recovery to, along with a couple of local Denver-area therapists too. The Wings Foundation can be reached at: http://www.wingsfound.org/ Just wanted to offer my written support for your mission to find your own freedom from your past, and to firmly let you know that there is such a thing as a full recovery, where we recover our self-esteem and self-confidence, and are able to move forward in our lives confident for our future unaffected by the limitations of our past. While it is hard to hear of your stories and feel your pain, I am overjoyed to find another support resource to go along with the others that you have listed. I have written Steve at Survivors Swindon myself and have on occasion referred young men from the UK who have approached me to him too. You guys are doing a great job, please keep it up!!! Sincerely, Mark Richardson They say that time heals all wounds.......to which some of us would reply :"perhaps". Those of us who have suffered at the receiving end of sexual interference carry wounds that defy healing. These are wounds that are carved on our very souls. They are lifetime wounds... and no amount of time will make them go away. They also say that youth is resilient, and indeed, we "healed" physically....we ran, played, grew up and became adults. We distanced ourselves from the trauma in order to become "normal" citizens......and all the while, we are aware that some of us reached adulthood not liking to be touched, or became excessively fastidious about cleanliness, or obsessively organized, or were simply unable to fully trust another human being.....skittering away from relationships that threatened to go beyond the platonic stage....the results of the tampering of our souls became the very things that characterized us as we reached adulthood... Healed?....or not? All these 60 years later, the experience "relives" itself... and I can feel the fear, wear the dirt, smell the sweat, the horror, see the knife and hear the ugly words as though it happened yesterday. I have lived long enough to know that this happens to all of us who have been victims of abuse and molestations. The "incident" is deeply etched into our souls and nothing will make it go away. It is what it is... All of which is to say unless you have personally been tampered with, interfered with, and/or sexually molested.... you have no idea how to go about helping those who have experienced such a thing...and you couldn't possibly calculate the ramifications that will be a part of that youngster as he or she strives for maturity. Those of us who have been there possess the hard-earned wisdom that enables us to stand up and fight, fight, fight against any abuse taking place in any institution...be it schools, churches, hospitals, or homes for the elderly. Those of us who have been there possess the hard-earned wisdom to fight, fight, fight against those in authority who cover up these crimes! Thank you for standing up, together, to do just that. Because of your efforts, and your diligence, you will save many children from wounds that would persist throughout their lifetimes. Name Withheld By Request As a friend of one of the victims I just wanted to say Keep Up the Good Work, Fight the Good Fight & keep the pressure on!!! Paul Volpe The events that took place at Brooklyn Poly Prep are, indeed, a tragedy, surpassed only by the actions of those who chose to cover up such criminal, as well as immoral, acts. Not only are the acts, in and of themselves, wrong & reprehensible, but, when such acts are committed by a person(s) in a position of leadership & trust, they are downright evil. The hierarchy of the catholic church, that "bedrock of goodness & all that is holy", is to be condemned for their callous, self-serving indifference to the heinous acts of numerous criminals in their charge. With the "blind eye" leadership that has always led this church, it is difficult to blame the individuals responsible & not the "entire" institution. It is no surprise to me that the church is now at an all time low in both attendance by parishioners as well as new priests (recruits?). (Actually, if I am to be totally honest, I am comforted by these declines). I can only pray to the God of my understanding for the long deserved peace & comfort for those who were forced to endure such torment. Sincerely, John Reilly Have you ever been wounded by the words or actions of someone you love and/or respect and trust? If you have had that experience, and who hasn't, then you know how hard it is to get past the hurt and humiliation. You think you're there, but then something; a comment or a look, sends you right back to zero and you wonder how you are ever going to "get over it". If we compound that feeling of hurt and loss many, many times over; then maybe we can begin to get a sense of what it's like to be 12 or 13 and be the victim of Phil Foglieta. The mind reels. For all those young boys, the hurt never ends. That's why I think the White Tower Foundation is so vital in the fight against child abuse. Those of us fortunate enough never to have been victimized by a Foglieta simply have no idea. How could we? We can extrapolate all we want, but we'll never come close to knowing what it fees like to be one of those boys. White Tower is essential for transforming our empathy and good intentions into action to help victims, educate parents and punish abusers. Whatever we can do, we need to more. Barbara Burns It is just too horrifying to try to comment; I have trouble with words as it is and for me to try to put into words things one cannot not even speak about because they are too unmentionable. Please.............. Jim This past weekend was my 25th Reunion at Poly Prep and the first reunion I ever attended. I spoke to a few parents and student volunteers while I was there and I was not at all surprised that most current students never heard of Foglietta and most parents were unaware of his notorious past. The reactions I received when I told them what I knew were of shock, disgust and thankfully, solidarity. I have mixed emotions about many of the advancements and additions that have popped up in the 25 years since I last walked the halls and campus. A new Science Building, a new Performing Arts Theater, new offices here and there and of course the athletic facilities. New lockers, new fitness centers, new playing fields and showcase upon showcase of athletes and their achievements. Millions upon millions of dollars have been spent on these new facilities and not a penny for the victims of Foglietta. I have no qualms with a school like Poly Prep evolving into the 21st Century and I don't think a "Foglietta Victims Memorial Sculpture" would benefit anyone. But I understand that Poly is collecting $31K per year per student (OMG) not to mention the many millions it collects each year in alumni and parents' contributions. It is clear that Poly wants to celebrate 155 years of history while selectively erasing the Foglietta era and completely ignoring those whose lives he devastated. To truly evolve into the 21st Century, Poly Prep, its current and past administrators need to acknowledge what has happened, expose those who allowed it to happen, demonstrate to the ENTIRE POLY COMMUNITY that it is prepared to prevent it from happening again and help those who suffered. Anything less is tantamount to those sitting up in that "Tall White Tower" looking down on students, parents, alumni and the entire community and saying "We didn't care then; we don't care now; and if it happens again, you will see how little we care again." And believe me - it CAN happen again. Joseph Marino Class of 1984 I am Gail Henderson-Belsito, Poly Class of 1983. Although I was not personally affected by Coach's abuse, it breaks my heart and wounds my soul to think that some of the boys I knew at Poly were being abused that way, even on school grounds. I recognize so many of the names of people in this group and those who have left comments for the group - such sorrowful stories of pain and suffering that no one ought to endure, especially at the hands of someone who has control and power in a young life. I am horrified to read of the responses of faculty and staff to what you endured, during the time and after the fact. I hope and pray that each of you are able to find peace and comfort with each other and that you are able to find justice from Poly. Know that you are being thought of and prayed for way down here in Charlotte, NC. With sorrow and support, Gail My highest accolades to the founders and participants of White Tower Healing Foundation! Our society, which is riddled with dual standards, makes it very difficult for men to come forth and share their most upheaval experiences; this forum provides precisely what’s needed; a safe, nurturing, and supportive environment to heal the timed capsule, deep rooted wounds of mental anguish. I wish them much success!!! Gayatri Choudhary I think his name should be removed from all plaques and awards at Poly for the atrocities that he did there. He deserves no recognition for anything positive. Name Withheld By Request I am a career prosecutor who has spent over twenty years working with victims of child sexual and physical abuse. I have heard and seen it all, and have done my best to guide people through the criminal justice system with empathy and respect. I thought I understood what there is to understand about the impact of child sexual abuse on the lives of the victimized. That is, until I attended the recent Whitetower fundraising event. Everyone else who was in the room with me knows exactly what I mean. I now know more than I did before about the nature of pain: how it bubbles back and retraces its tracks, how injustice converts it to anger, how that anger can be a catalyst for change. Thank you for the work you are doing. I can only speak for me: I am recommitted. Name Withheld By Request I have a dear friend who’s lived w/ a darkness hanging over him due to the actions of that monster, the silent complacence of some faculty, & the self evoked blindness of certain administration members & a community! People refer to this crime as unspeakable – That needs to change – it only perpetuates the suffering of the victims, as they go through life feeling unworthy of anything good, “often pushing the blessing that come into their lives away” and isolated by the overwhelming sense of loneness that never really goes away. I pray that White Tower becomes a beacon of light for him & all whom have suffered the tremendous loss of innocence & trust caused by sexual abuse. Let the White light of healing wash over my beloved friend & all who have suffered in the past & illuminate the unspeakable so people have to see it & speak up about how to stop it forever. I urge all who read these heart wrenching testimonials to support this organization in any way you can. Time, attention & advocacy are just as important as monetary donations. Simply becoming more aware & vowing to be willing to make an idiot of yourself if you suspect something is wrong, or out of place in any situation that involves a child! Michelle Tibbetts As a good friend of one of the victims, I fully support everything that this Foundation is attempting to do and sincerely hope that this brings some relief to any and all of the victims, as well as bringing to justice those school officials who allowed this to continue for decades!! Jay Hawekotte Living with secret scars from childhood trauma must be a most difficult burden. To reveal the truth is equally difficult and requires tremendous courage. The extreme effort and determination the foundation members display to give this injustice an arena for healing is highly commendable. I applaud you all and wish you and all the victims continued supported healing. Joann Anagnost As I previously expressed, I am grateful for the courage of those speaking out. I learned from the newspaper about public awareness of Philip Foglietta’s abuse the day my father died. My family could not understand why I was so affected by this news. He was my football coach in the early 70s while a student in the 8th and 9th forms. While he did not abuse me sexually, he threatened me with violence for “spreading a rumor that he was gay.” I never did that and could not understand why he was so enraged with me. From then on, he shamed me publicly and threatened me privately. My 13-year old mind could not comprehend what I did wrong and why he hated me so much. I dropped out of Poly shortly thereafter, believing the mean-spirited names he called me, were true. I avoided sports from then on, as well. Several years ago, when I read the Daily News article, I finally understood the undercurrent of his rage. I will never know what he feared that I saw or was told. I hold great compassion for those who were violated and certainly hope that Poly Prep will take responsibility appropriately for those so deeply hurt. Nicholas J. Chiaia, Jr. President UPI.com 1133 Nineteenth Street, NW Suite 800 Washington, D.C. 20036 I cannot begin to express my gratitude to the members of this group and the larger community of alumni, family and friends who have come together in support of all who were abused. It is important that we all realize that the abuse was committed not only by Phil Foglietta but by all officials and teachers at Poly Prep who stood by silently, and thereby condoned his actions. In many cases, these same officials, coaches and teachers were welcomed into the homes of the students that were being abused. They had dinner or attended parties as our neighbors, our friends. In the case of our family, one of the teachers who knew what was going on was my math tutor and was at our house every week for 6 months - and he never said a word to my parents. I cannot help but wonder how he sleeps at night. As the White Tower Healing group formed and began working together, I watched my brother start to come alive again - somehow knowing that he had already won a huge victory by bringing the torture out into the public eye and giving others the strength to speak about it. I can never thank you all enough for having the courage to come forward with your own stories as well as working together to make some sense out of incredibly difficult situations. The first fundraiser was held this past weekend - and I hope it was only the first of many. Your objectives are noble and as someone said at the dinner - your goals have already begun to be met. I will never forget the experience and I am proud of you all. If I can assist in any way, please feel free to call on me. Melanie Paggioli I thought that I should write, to let you know how the inaugural dinner of the White Tower Healing Foundation has affected me. I had attended the dinner in support of my closest friend. I had not expected the raging flood of emotions caused by the testimonials of the victims and the discussions of the guest speakers. I am still overwhelmed by what I have learned. I cannot envision a more horrific way for a child to lose their innocence, and I could not have imagined that a prestigious school like Poly Prep would condone such abhorrent and despicable acts. Again I am overcome with emotion as I try to both understand and avoid the reality of these horrors. I wonder how the Poly Prep administration can continue to ignore the suffering of the individuals they allowed to be sexually abused. I wish the foundation success in helping to heal all those that have suffered due to the agony of childhood sexual abuse, whether in the Poly Prep disgrace or not. I want to assure you of my unending support. Jeffrey Murphy I’m very pleased to hear that the fundraiser was a success. I’m also pleased to see my testimonial on the site however, as I’m sure you are aware, that is only part of my story. That issue effected many aspects of my life including, but not limited to, relationship problems, years of therapy and trust issues, fear of abandonment issues, job issues, etc. I hope the site continues to raise these issues into the public domain. Thanks for all your hard work and to the rest of the board. Bill Jackson (would have been) class of ‘71 I just read through the comments made by the victims. It was very moving and very frustrating. What was equally frustrating was the parents who knew but dismissed it--I bet it still happens (regarding the parents) but I hope less, since now is a different day and age. Anyway- I'm just venting too, being a parent of boys myself. Good for you for having this forum to be a place for victims to vent!!!!!! I hope that you could make a huge dent in educating children, parents and schools!!! I admire your proactiveness and commend your efforts. I'm sorry that all you guys and more had to go through this. Name Withheld By Request back to top © 2012 White Tower Healing Foundation, Inc.